Archive for April, 2010

Selling (your soul)

Friday, April 16th, 2010

7,500 Online Shoppers Unknowingly Sold Their Souls
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/04/15/online-shoppers-unknowingly-sold-souls/

A computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.

Hilarious! People don’t read their contract when they purchase online and sell their souls to Game Station in the UK http://www.gamestation.co.uk/. The outstanding wording reads…

“By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions.”

GameStation’s form also points out that “we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction.”

Bummer for all those people who had other plans for eternity. Though most people probably have no plans for their souls at all.

Selling pros – how long do you hang onto your clients? Do you have a deep enough relationship that you can count on their money for at least a mortal eternity?

After the sale you want to keep engaged, send your buyer unique and funny content like this. Let them know you’re thinking about them.

Does that absolutely delight you when a personal relationship does that? Then do it with these people who feed your family as well.

Keep close to your clients and nobody else will come along and steal their time, money, or souls. Do that well and you’ll spend eternity in selling heaven.

(Hilarious) Good at getting your meaning across?

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are some recent “winners…”

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Whoa! Great entertainment, graphic images, but a painful expose’ on how poorly people communicate today.

How well do you get your meaning across? Linguists would identify your language as either “well-formed” or “poorly-formed.”

Be on the lookout for my new book, The Secret Language of Influence, later this year. Gain GREAT communication skills and improve your ability to lead, manage, sell, and most importantly, work with your personal relationships.

Anyone signed up for my ezine at www.SalesAutopsy.com will get first notification of the book launch.

Best Objection Response, Ever!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

I designed the sales training program for a national financial services company (you would recognize their name). Their targeted buyers are seniors.

Working off over 3 dozen objections, I crafted multiple responses to each. This reply is legitimate, it’s funny, so it gets a resistant prospect to laugh.

Objection: I’m too old to buy an annuity.

Answer: We have sea turtles older than you as clients.

Two things here (well three, if you include everybody loves sea turtles):

Do you have multiple responses to every one of your top 6 objections? I do this exercise with each of my consulting clients. It’s also now being built into a best-practices sales training experience for www.ASTD.org. So know the top ways you get pushback and be prepared to react.

Do you have ability, the words, to make prospects laugh? Okay, I’m biased because I use humor to write, speak and train all day, all month, all year. But there’s nothing as potent to disarm a buyer than something that says, “okay, that’s enough arguing, let’s be friends, have some fun and figure out how to work together.”

Work on those two things and you’ll have a successful selling career that lasts longer than, you guessed it, a sea turtle.

APRIL FOOL’S JOKE ON MY KIDS’ SCHOOL!

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

APRIL FOOL’S JOKE ON MY KIDS’ SCHOOL! Ballots for each student were put in all the classrooms to vote on a new school mascot.

The Marion Jordan “Blue jays” are no longer viable since the blue jay is considered the “bully” of the bird world. The ballot (you can see the pdf New Mascot Ballot here) had this written on it…

Recent research shows that Blue Jays, our school bird, are the bullies of the bird world. They chase other birds, even squirrels, away from birdfeeders. They are always picking fights because they don’t want to share.

Since Marion Jordan has policies against bullying we will be removing the Blue Jay from our school and asking our students to…

CHOOSE A NEW OFFICIAL MASCOT!

You can select from this list or suggest your own animal.

□ Marion Jordan Magicians!

□ Marion Jordan Moray Eels

□ Marion Jordan Mighty Millipedes

□ Marion Jordan _____________________________________
(write in your suggestion)

Teachers, please bring all the ballots to the office so we can announce the results by the end of today.

I’ll post the results, no the “responses,” as soon as I have them!
New Mascot Ballot